FlirtingWithInsanity

So um...I've gotten really good at this whole disappearing act thing, haven't I?

I'm so sorry!


I just typed up all my reasons for not being on here and deleted them because it all sums up to two things.  I've been really busy lately, and I got a concussion on Easter that caused issues that just made it hard to be on the computer.

I'm all better now though.  I feel fine, the headaches are few and far between, and it'll all be officially done with once I take the cognitive test in 2 weeks.  My first experience with Urgent Care sucked....they just told me that I couldn't drive and I had to get checked out at the Emergency Room.  And then I had to wait in the Emergency Room for about 4-5 hours or so.  Then I got a CT scan and they said it didn't look like any lasting damage but I needed to see a neurologist.  The neurologist was good though.  Efficient and compassionate and explained things in a way that I could understand with my jumbled-up thoughts.

Anyway...doesn't matter.  I'm still busy, but I should be able to get on here at least once a week again.  I'll work on replying to your notes/comments today and tomorrow.

Talk to you guys soon!

I took my sister through a drive-thru for some ice cream tonight.  While we were waiting for our order, I noticed the lady in the car behind us looked stressed or maybe she was just having a bad day.  I asked the cashier at the window if I could pay for the person behind me too.  He asked if I knew them, and I said no-I just felt like doing something nice for her.  And she had a dog in the car with her, so she couldn't have been a terrible person.

(Dog lovers are usually cool people in my book.  )

Anyway, the cashier gave me a weird look when I said I didn't know the person that I wanted to pay for, but he took my card and I paid.  We had to wait a couple more minutes for our order, and when he gave me the ice creams, there was an extra one.

Me:  "I only ordered 3..."
Him:  "I know.  I gave you an extra one."
Me:  *confused expression*
Him:  **SMILES**

My sister liked his smile.  It was awesome of him to do that for us--I hadn't been expecting anything in return.  I just wanted to brighten up that lady's day.  My sister watched a little bit of the cashier explaining to the lady that her bill was already paid as we drove away, and it seems like the mission was accomplished. 



I've paid for the person behind me in a drive-thru several times before.  This is the first time a cashier has done something like that for me.  They usually just smile and say that it's nice, or else just accept the payment like a regular transaction with no comment.  I'm just really happy that he was so nice.  And my sister was happy with the extra ice cream.

Kindness is contagious!!

There are so many things I wish I had the money to do.  I would want to do a lot for myself and my family, but I also wish I could do little things here and there for strangers.

I love paying for the person behind me when I'm in a drive thru-I don't even wait to see the expression on that person's face.  I just hope it brightens their day and hope that the small kindness will be passed along somehow.

I wish I could do more though.  A lot more.

My concern: if I actually HAD enough money to do everything I wanted, would it corrupt my soul?

Would I become a selfish, godless person?

I don't know.

There are two songs that come to mind whenever I think of having everything...

1st:

 


2nd:
(I'm not normally a fan of rap....the lyrics really hit home though.  "I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.")



So yeah.  Those are my thoughts of the day. 

If you had enough money to do anything you wanted, do you think you would use it for good?  Or for selfish and/or evil things?

It's so hard when you lose someone you love.

A man who I've considered my uncle for my whole life passed away in his sleep this morning at 7:15.  He's been fighting cancer for about 6 years, and he finally lost the fight.  (He was 41 years old.)

Brandon always had such a good heart.  He was the kind of person who could smile about anything.  He always made people feel good about themselves, and I don't know of a single person who didn't like him.

I'm glad that he's not in pain anymore, but I miss him.  It really hurts to think that he's gone.  My heart goes out to his family too; I know how hard this has to be on them too.

Be thankful for the time you  have with your loved ones.  That time will eventually come to an end.

Goodbye, Brandon.  I love you.

_{(I don't know how active I'll be on DA for the next couple of days...I'm not good with death.)}

Update:
I had a dream last night.  I was sitting in this white waiting room, and I felt a little nervous but I didn't know what I was waiting for.  Then this guy came into the room and sat down near me and started talking to me.

He was talking about his family and friends and how wonderful they all were, and how he couldn't wait to see his wife and daughters again.  Then he started making jokes to keep me from being nervous.

He was really nice and fun to talk to, and I got this feeling that I knew him somehow.  Then I saw his smile and realized it was Brandon.  (The 'Uncle' who died.)

He was back to his old self.  He was healthy and happy, which he hadn't been in years...that's why I didn't recognize him at first.

I'm having mixed feelings about this dream.    It was nice while it lasted, but it made me super sad when I woke up.

But there is no rain.  Go figure. 

It was kind of a crappy day, but something, or rather someone, I saw when I was driving home made me smile.  I don't know if I've actually told anyone this, but I have really strong feelings for this guy that doesn't even know I exist.

Not romantic feelings...more like family love.  If I die, I would love to become his guardian angel.  ♥

I'm not even sure what his face looks like.

Okay, that sounds REALLY weird, huh? 

Backtrack to explain:
**Okay, I just wrote an explanation, and it sounds even weirder when I try to explain.  So I decided to delete the explanation and I'm just going to leave it at that.**

Sorry.  You all know I'm a strange one anyway. 

Found out a friend is moving...really soon.  I didn't get much notice and it makes me sad. 
On the other hand, I got a message from someone I haven't talked to in YEARS, and it made me so happy.  I look forward to catching up with her and seeing if we can be friends again. 
My dad basically told me he wants grandchildren and I need to work on finding a good husband so I can have kids.  I told him my sisters are more likely to give him grandkids before I will.  I would love to have a family, but I can't see it happening any time soon. 
I decorated a friend's desk at work for her birthday...I really hope she'll like it when she comes into work tomorrow.  She picked out most of the decorations, I just put it all together and made a little gift basket to surprise her.  I hope she has a great birthday tomorrow. 
I'm considering looking for a new job.  The pay where I'm at is good, and I enjoy working there a lot, but the commute is terrible.  I'm spending so much in gas I barely have enough money to pay my bills.  I also am gone from 9 in the morning until 7 at night because of work and the long commute.  It sucks. 

Anyway, I'm exhausted.  I'll talk to all of you later. 
Gotta think positive!